we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
