happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
