oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
