opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
