i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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