Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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