U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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