at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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