Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize