I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
