I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
