Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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