Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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