Pappa wants mamma naked
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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