Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
