i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
