theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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