he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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