I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
