dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
