i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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