These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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