I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
