i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
