Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
