At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
