Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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