At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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