apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
