...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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