I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
