my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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