It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
These tits shall not be calmed
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
