Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
