NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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