I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
