...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
