She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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