You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
