I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
