Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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