You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
