I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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