Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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