I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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