Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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