dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
