OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
