sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
