It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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