I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize