If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize