My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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