So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
