all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
