I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
