Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
