She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
