a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
