He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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