I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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