the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
areolas are like halos for boobs.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
