So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sarcasm needs its own font
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Randomize
