Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
