U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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