we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
