I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
