Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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