You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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