I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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