i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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