the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's not a foreskin expert like you
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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