Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
