k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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