I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
you never un-have a 4some
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
