I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
